


What's gonna be left of the world (if you're not in it)?

by forestspirit, loeyciaga



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Character Death, M/M, Soulmate-Identifying Marks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-15
Updated: 2019-09-15
Packaged: 2020-10-14 00:54:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20591957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/forestspirit/pseuds/forestspirit, https://archiveofourown.org/users/loeyciaga/pseuds/loeyciaga
Summary: Like grains of sand falling through the hourglass, so are the days of his life.





	What's gonna be left of the world (if you're not in it)?

**Author's Note:**

> hi! i've posted the first part on my twitter once and i've decided to make a (kinda) full fic out of it and post this here!
> 
> quick disclaimer: this is unbeta-ed and english is not my first language
> 
> if you decide to read this, thank you for giving this mess of a fic a chance!!

"Baekhyun-ah," Chanyeol softly whispered. Baekhyun only hummed in response with his back pressed against the taller's chest, Chanyeol's arms tightly wrapped around his waist, spooning him.

"Do you want to be my boyfriend?"

Chanyeol's felt how the smaller's body visibly stiffened in his hold and he only remained silent as the question lingered in the air. The taller's heart sunk. He slightly loosened his hold around Baekhyun's waist which didn't go unnoticed by the latter.

"Baek, if—"

To his surprise, Baekhyun placed his hand above the taller's, which looked in comparison to his hand incredibly small, stopping him mid-sentence, and shook his head softly.

"Shhh. Chanyeol-ah, you know that it's just a title right?"

"What are you trying to say?" Chanyeol abruptly detached himself from the smaller and sat up, confusion evident on his features.

Feeling the air around them tense, Baekhyun turned around and looked at the other who was already staring down at him with a frown.

Avoiding his stare, Baekhyun stared at the ceiling of their shared bedroom and sighed. "I don't care whether you call me your boyfriend, fuck buddy or best friend with benefits. Hell, you can even call me your husband."

"What do you mean _you don't care_? Is all of this nothing but a joke to you?" Chanyeol asked incredulously. He was angry, confused but most of all _hurt_.

"Sorry, let me rephrase that." Baekhyun let out a little chuckle. "We are soulmates, Chanyeol-ah. We're bound to be together, no matter in which life. What we have, goes way beyond a simple relationship between lovers, don't you think?"

After saying it, Baekhyun finally looked at his soulmate with nothing but adoration and love in his eyes, giving him a warm smile, his droopy eyes turning into little crescents. Chanyeol was rendered speechless. In all honesty, out of all the possible responses he thought he'd get, he didn't expect Baekhyun to say that.

"No."

Baekhyun frowned at his response. He quickly sat up as he watched Chanyeol turning his back to him and standing up, walking towards the bathroom.

"What do you mean _no_? You don't want us to be bound together for eternity?" Baekhyun saw Chanyeol halting his steps. Without facing him, the taller laughed bitterly and shook his head.

"No, as in, I don't want you to love me because I'm your soulmate. I don't want you to love me just because some _stupid_ mark engraved on my skin says so." He then finally turned around, eyes red and tears slowly making their way down his cheeks.

"I want you to love me for _who I am_. Right now. In this lifetime. I can't bring myself to care about our other lives. They're a different story. Everyone of them should be unique, this life included."

"Chany—"

"No, Baek. Don't you get it? You're taking this soulmate thing for granted. But I want you—us to live every single one of our lives as if it's our only one."

Baekhyun looked at him from where he sat and shook his head. "I... I'm sorry, Chanyeol-ah. I-I didn't think you would feel this way."

Baekhyun stood up and walked to where his soulmate was standing, who wasn't aware that he was uncontrollably shaking. His cheeks were stained with tears. The mere sight had the smaller's heart breaking into small pieces. He cupped his lover's face and gave his signature rectangular smile, but Chanyeol saw and felt the sadness behind those eyes that were like a window to another world, and reassured him.

" I love you. So much. And not because of this  _stupid_ soulmate thing. I never told you but I've loved you even before we knew we were soulmates. I'm really sorry. Please don't cry. You know it hurts me seeing you like this. Can you... forgive me?"

Never had the air in each other's presence felt so suffocating and the lack of response Baekhyun was met with made him uncomfortable. The silence was deafening but Chanyeol only stared at some point behind Baekhyun while the latter kept his gaze on the taller. Each passing moment their hearts distanced themselves a little.

Just as Baekhyun was to open his mouth, Chanyeol finally looked up. He was clearly holding his emotions back and was desperately trying to keep a straight face, in which he succeeded because Baekhyun couldn't read his face this time.

He removed his hands from cupping the taller's face and let them fall to the sides.

Throughout the years, Baekhyun learned to read every expression the taller made and knew what they mean, as if he was reading a book. Even the slightest change on his face didn't go unnoticed by the smaller. Chanyeol was expressive, both in his vocabulary and facially. But his face always said more than his words could ever express.

But this time was different. And Baekhyun was scared. He didn't like the unknown.

"Can we take a break from this — whatever we have — for now ? I need some time to think about this. Alone."

Little did Baekhyun know that as soon as Chanyeol left with some of his stuff, that this would be last time they'd see each other for a while.

_ 2 years later _

Ever since the argument, Baekhyun hadn't seen Chanyeol.

Every night he would dream about the taller's retreating figure walking out of his door, further and further away from him, and eventually out of his life. There hadn't been a day where he didn't regret how everything that he once took for granted turned out.

And the worst thing? He was the only one to blame.

Baekhyun could feel through their soulmate bond that his (ex) lover wasn't in any better place. Being away from each other for a long period would only damage the both of them.

His phone's sudden ringing ripped him out of his daze of regret, echoing against the four walls surrounding him, that he had barely left ever since he moved out of his and Chanyeol's shared apartment in Seoul and decided to stay with his brother Baekbeom in his hometown Bucheon.

Right. Now where was that _damn_ device that wouldn't stop ringing?

Honestly speaking, he had little to no strength in him to move. Not only did he feel physically exhausted, but mentally as well. He scoffed at himself for how pathetic he had been. It's been _two_ _years_ but his heart only seemed yearn for his soulmate more and more as time passed.

Baekhyun lay in his bed, constant sounds of ringing coming from somewhere in his room, as he stared up at the ceiling as if there was some magic spell written on it that would somehow stop the constant pain and emptiness he felt in his chest and cure his broken heart. When whoever was calling him unrelentingly seemed to have finally given up, Baekhyun sighed wearily.

Just when he thought he could ultimately close his eyes and drift off to sleep, even if the image of Chanyeol leaving him would always haunt him in his dreams (or rather nightmares), the blaring sound announcing yet another incoming call cut through the silence and made him groan out in annoyance and bury himself under the blanket.

He made a mental note to himself to change his ringtone and murder the person, who was disturbing his peace, in case he'd ever manage to find his phone.

"Jeez, finally. What took you so long, hyung—"

"Sehun, what the fuck do you want?! Why are you calling me this late?"

"Woah, easy there tiger. How about a simple 'Oh. hi, Sehun! What's up?'" And then Baekhyun heard his best friend chuckle at the other end of the line. The fucking audacity. But his tone quickly morphed into a serious and concerned one, "No, but seriously, how are you holding up, Baek? I haven't heard from you for weeks..."

If there was one thing that Baekhyun loathed more than cucumbers, were people who pitied him. But he knew that Sehun was just worried about him. Sure, he wasn't in the best place right now but he can manage. He knew he was the only one who could help himself crawl out of this endless void of darkness. Although, he felt like he was slowly losing this inner battle with the dark part of his consciousness because sadly the fire in him had died a long time ago.

Not that he would ever tell anyone. He had built his wall so high and unbreakable, that sometimes he felt like he couldn't trust anyone — not his best friend, not even himself. Hence he'd rather just isolate himself.

"Never've been better." He answered as nonchalant as possible, hoping his voice wouldn't betray him.

"Quit the sarcasm, _hyung_. Now tell me the truth."

"Ugh, kill joy. I'm fine. Do I need to spell it out for you? F.I.N.E."

"Fine my ass. You literally took 20 minutes to answer my call, which concludes that you must have been thinking about _him_ again and didn't bother to pick up. And probably also because you misplaced your phone again."

"Shut up."

"I can't believe you convinced me to go out with you."

"What can I say, I'm a man of many charms." Sehun said with a smug grin on his face to which Baekhyun simply scoffed.

"And at the crack of dawn, on top of that. What place is still even opened at this fucking time? " Baekhyun rolled his eyes when he was met with silence and his question remained unanswered for the rest of the trip hence he occupied himself by staring out of the passenger's seat's window, taking in the scenery of his hometown's night life.

After a short ride to the centre of Bucheon, they came to a halt as Sehun turned the engine off. They got out of the vehicle and walked a bit with Baekhyun trailing after his best friend, lost in his thoughts.

The taller walking in front of him then abruptly stopped in his tracks, causing the smaller to bump into his back.

"Ow, my nose! Why the hell did you stop?" The older rubbed his nose to inspect the damage (read: there was none).

"We're here!" Sehun announced excitedly as he turned around to face Baekhyun, completely ignoring the latter's dirty look. Curiously Baekhyun peeked up and narrowed his eyes as he read the big colour-changing — almost blinding — sign.

After a moment of silence with Sehun looking expectantly at him, the smaller let out a long sigh while shaking his head. He definitely regretted agreeing to Sehun taking him out for the night to have some _fun_.

Yeah, right.

"So, this is your oh so great _getting-over-a-broken-heart_ plan? A fucking bar? Are you shitting me?" Baekhyun asked unamused, looking back and forth between his friend and the entrance of said bar with an eyebrow raised.

His best friend tsked as he ruffled his hair, ignoring the smaller's protests. "This isn't just _any_ bar, Baekhyun-hyung. This is a _gay_ bar. Also a good friend of mine works there so I always get a discount. Now c'mon!"

"Are you—"

Before Baekhyun could finish yet another complain of his, Sehun successfully shut him up by dragging him towards the entrance without a warning. The former hissed as he bumped against several bodies that all seemed to tower over him, and for a short moment his head was spinning and he felt like throwing up. Baekhyun decided it was because the place reeked of all sorts of alcohol and he didn't feel like getting smashed today.

Yet there he was — somewhere he'd never in a million years thought he'd find himself be at a Saturday night after moping around his older brother's house for ages — in a freaking bar, surrounded by drunkards.

Sehun directly led him towards the bar and sat down on a stool, gesturing an unsure Baekhyun to do the same. Eventually Baekhyun decided to listen to the younger's suggestion and tried to enjoy himself. _Just for tonight_, he thought.

Drowning half of his Long Island that Sehun had pushed towards him against his will, his ears perked up at the sound of a soft guitar strumming. Then he felt it. The all too familiar presence of someone he hadn't seen in years. His mark on his abdomen started to tickle.

Could it really be?

Accompanying the soft guitar strums, a velvety deep voice followed, singing with passion only confirmed Baekhyun's suspicions. The musician seemed to have felt it, too, since the way their gazes met for a split second that made everything around him turn into a blur before Baekhyun looked away and hid his face in his hands.

"What's the matter, Baek? Do you feel sick? Should get you some water—"

Baekhyun clutched onto the fabric of his shirt covering his rapidly beating heart and shook his head. "I-I'm fine..." he managed to croak out. He didn't notice the look of concern flash through his best friend's eyes.

The moment the little music performance came to an end and people in the bar started applauding, that's when Baekhyun finally woke up from his reverie. Everything was real.

_This_ was real. Chanyeol was really there.

_Doesn't mean he won't leave you again_, a voice in the back of his mind told him in a mocking tone. Baekhyun knew it was the truth. Just like every time he would close his eyes and the vivid image of his soulmate abandoning him would appear, this Chanyeol would surely just walk away from him, too — just like in all of his nightmares that were the cause of his sleepless nights. _Just like two years ago_.

It was futile.

It wasn't like they'd just make up and move on with life.

Oh, how he wished it was as simple as that. But it was not.

As Chanyeol was rehearsing his songs for the nth time backstage, his heart suddenly started beating erratically. Shocked by the sudden movement in his chest, he almost dropped his newly bought guitar. Luckily he caught the instrument by its attached strap just in time. At the same time, he was given a cue to go on stage. After taking a deep breath and calming his frantic heart, Chanyeol made his way towards the little stage with a microphone standing in the middle, illuminated by the spotlights.

Then all the spotlights were on him. The talking died down and everyone was eyeing him curiously. Breaking the anticipating silence, the taller started out by softly strumming his guitar with his index and thumb and humming along it lightly.

_"I can’t overcome the sadness in my heart._

_Another one of my sleepless nights,_

_I endure it once more._

_I really don’t mind the sadness._

_It absentmindedly wakes me up again in the morning._

_The injury seems worse than I thought it’d be,_

_the pain seems to dig deeper than I thought it would."_

The only source of light was shining down on him and when he finally opened his eyes he saw the audience being captivated by his doing, he couldn’t help but smile. All his life he had dreamt of composing his own music and show it to the world. He was a little proud of himself that he eventually achieved his dreams by becoming a well-known producer in the capital city.

However, fate wasn’t on his side.

Living his dreams had its perks but that didn’t mean it was all rainbows and unicorns, hence he decided to take a break from the fast-paced life in Seoul and spend some time in Bucheon to visit his friends from college. Because frankly, there weren’t much grains of sand left in his hourglass and Chanyeol was very much aware of that.

_"In the countless nights I’ve spent resenting you,_

_it feels like I’m in hell._

_Please just stay by my side,_

_please remain here."_

Then he sensed _him_. His eyes roamed around the room and stopped at a familiar silhouette. To say he was surprised would be an understatement.

_What a small world. _He wanted to laugh.

Their gazes locked and his heart started beating frantically. It felt like it would burst out any moment. It was actually his soulmate, whom he walked out on two years ago.

Chanyeol had kept telling himself that it was the right and most sensible thing to do. It should feel right but nothing had ever felt so wrong at that moment.

_"_ _Don’t let go of my hand_

_As you’re holding it in yours._

_If this takes you a step further away from me,_

_all I have to do is take a step closer."_

All of sudden, Baekhyun turned his head and looked away and that’s when Chanyeol saw that he didn’t come alone. He had company with him. _Of course. He moved on. _He realised how pathetic he must have looked, staring at his soulmate longingly, even though he was the one who ruined it. They should have just talked it out like adults. It’s always the ‘_what if_’s, _the possibilities_, the things that _could have been_, that hurt the most.

Deciding it was not the best time to dwell on his past mistakes, he proceeded to finish his performance, trying his best to ignore the constant tug in his chest; at some point he just felt numb.

From the corner of his eye, he saw how Chanyeol bowed to the audience, smiling and waving at them as if it didn’t hurt him seeing Baekhyun, thanking everyone, and then disappeared behind the curtains. Baekhyun’s heart was screaming at him to go find his soulmate but he remained seated, gulping down another glass of tequila.

He had lost count of how many drinks he’d had. Baekhyun had never been a heavy drinker, per se, or a big fan of alcohol in general since he had never found any appeal in getting absolutely inebriated until one couldn’t even remember their name.

Today, though, he thought he’d make an exception. It’d be his first and last time, he told himself, because he had heard myriads of stories from his friends in which they puked their guts out, had a terrible headache the next morning and all that jazz.

Yeah, _no thanks_. Doesn’t sound fun.

However, today, he wanted to _forget_. He wanted to dull his senses until he couldn’t feel anything. Baekhyun simply wanted to put an end to his hurting.

So, he gulped down drinks after drinks. Sehun tried to stop him countless times, told him that he’d only regret it the next day, and even tried to drag him out. Baekhyun, however, was unrelenting. He wouldn’t budge no matter what hence his best friend gave up and decided to join him without the desire of getting completely hammered. One of them had to be able to get them home and the smaller was definitely out of question.

What both of them didn’t expect was to see Chanyeol taking a seat, a few stools away from them, though close enough to hear him telling the bartender his order. It seemed like the taller had the intention of forgetting tonight as well.

_Soulmates indeed._

Sehun became close with Baekhyun after their argument, therefore he had never met Chanyeol personally, nor did he know him as a person. But listening to the smaller cussing him, crying over him and reminiscing his favourite memories, and comforting him, Sehun decided that he wasn’t fond of this Chanyeol guy, even if he was his best friend’s soulmate and lover (even if the smaller denied the fact that he still had feelings for his soulmate, but Sehun knew better; the poor guy was just hurting).

When Baekhyun started to giggle out of the blue, catching his (ex) lover’s attention, Sehun’s protective side came to the surface. He threw an arm around his wasted best friend and gave Chanyeol, who was looking at them with an indecipherable expression, a disapproving look — silently telling him to '_fuck off_' basically.

Much to Sehun’s surprise and dismay, Chanyeol got up from his seat and walked towards them, completely dismissing his warning look and doing the opposite. Chanyeol stopped next to Baekhyun who didn’t seem to realise that and was humming to himself. However, instead of talking to the smaller, he looked at Sehun who was frowning at him and asked, “H-How is he?”

Sehun pondered for a second how to respond and eventually muttered, “That’s none of your business. Not anymore.”

Chanyeol opened his mouth to retaliate something, only to close it again because he knew this guy was right. What was he even doing? What was he trying to achieve? Baekhyun must loathe him with every cell of his being. Though, a small part of him desperately hoped that his soulmate still harboured feelings for him. He told himself that he could feel it, feel the emotions through their bond, although, at this point, he didn’t know if it was real or just him being delusional because he couldn’t live with the fact knowing it was his fault — he was the reason they had separated their paths.

_Who was he kidding?_

Of course, Baekhyun didn’t love him anymore. The truth was before his very eyes — Baekhyun’s boyfriend was by his side. Baekhyun was resting his head on the other’s shoulder with closed eyes and clinging onto his arms with a small smile evident on his features. He seemed so peaceful and content.

Chanyeol realised that his soulmate really had moved on, unlike him.

He was a fool for ever letting the best thing that had ever entered his life go.

“Please take good care of him,” was all he said before he turned to leave, his steps becoming faster as he blindly ran out of the bar through the backdoor. His mind was a mess like himself. All the emotions he tried to suppress seemed to resurface the moment he stepped into the cold, fresh air. Feeling overwhelmed by everything he was feeling at once, Chanyeol hid his face behind his hands as he slid down the brick wall next to the exit and broke down for the first time after two years. He choked on a sob. Breathing became more difficult as warm tears streamed down his cheeks. It was as if he was surrounded by water, slowly drowning and unable to move a muscle to help himself. The water surface only seemed to get further away as he falls into an abyss of darkness.

At least one of them got to find their happiness, he thought as he remembered seeing Baekhyun clinging onto the guy and smiling.

It hurt knowing that Chanyeol was no longer the one who brought the beautiful smile onto Baekhyun’s face but in the end that didn’t matter. Chanyeol had always put his soulmate's happiness above his own because that’s what love is, wasn’t it? Hence, as long as Baekhyun didn’t lose his smile, he’d be fine, he told himself. Everything was his fault, therefore dealing with consequences of his own actions was inevitable.

The next few weeks passed by like a blur. Somewhere in between, Baekhyun decided to try and find a job, and stop bothering Baekbeom, even though he had assured his younger brother that it was okay. The latter felt like a liability, mopping around and mooching off his brother’s food and taking advantage of his kindness. It was time to face the outside world again.

He didn’t feel better by any means — he still felt as miserable as ever since Chanyeol left him two years ago, just somewhat different. If Chanyeol was fine without him, then he’d be okay too. Who said soulmates had to stay together? He had never depended on anyone until he’d met his lanky soulmate, who was too tall for his own good, had ears that stuck out like a sore thumb but he found them cute nevertheless, talked and laughed too loud, and liked petting stray animals on the street—

Baekhyun shook his head, clearing his thoughts. His mind would always wander back to his soulmate, whenever he would drift off and didn’t pay enough attention.

He massaged his temples as he shut off his laptop, deciding he did enough job-hunting for the day.

After the night out with Sehun a few weeks back, Baekhyun had woken up in Sehun’s guest room with no recollections of the night before whatsoever. So, when he confronted his best friend about what had happened at the breakfast table, Sehun merely gave him a vague explanation. Upon mentioning Chanyeol’s name had caught Baekhyun’s immediate attention since he had thought that it was only just a dream, something he had so desperately wished for to happen, that his mind tricked him into believing it was reality, which it wasn't.

A few days later, Baekhyun received a text message from one of the companies he had applied to and found out that he was hired. It was nothing special, just a regular nine-to-five job in an office, but it was a start.

Days turned to weeks, and weeks turned to months and without realising it, half a year had passed since the last encounter with his soulmate. Sometimes he would worry about the taller because he hadn’t heard anything from him, even attempting to reach out to Chanyeol’s friends but they were kept in the dark, too. Their bond had been weakening ever since they parted and at this point, he couldn’t feel anything the other was feeling anymore, not the way he used to. One day, while showing, he had also noticed that his mark wasn’t as vibrant as it used to be, indicating that either their love was fading away or one of them was in a critical condition. Baekhyun was sure it was the former, therefore dismissing the obvious signs like nothing.

As harsh as it sounds, he made it his mission to get over the taller. On several occasions he thought about reaching out to his soulmate and talk out their problems but every time he’d be _this_ close to press the call button on his phone, he’d just back out. He didn’t know why but he just couldn’t do it.

So, he simply went on with his life as if everything was fine.

It was the same routine every day. _Wake up. Eat. Work. Sleep. Repeat. Wake up. Eat. Work. Sleep. Repeat._

That was why he didn’t expect anything extraordinary to happen that could possible mess up his repeating circle. _How wrong he was._

On one particular morning, Baekhyun woke up before his alarm which had never happened before because he really wasn’t a morning person, therefore sleeping in was more his forte. However, he felt uneasy and his stomach twisted in weird ways that slightly hurt. Confused, the male tried recalling if he had eaten anything bad the day before but there was nothing he could think of that could have caused his stomach ache.

Ignoring the pain, Baekhyun tried to go back to sleep because it was still to early to be awake. After thrashing around in his bed for what felt like hours, unable to find sleep, he felt the first sun rays warming up his exposed skin and sighed. He might as well get up now and get ready for work. It wouldn’t hurt to arrive earlier than usual, since he liked to show up right on time, not a second too early, not a second too late. He didn’t want to spend more time somewhere he didn’t want to be than necessary.

As he arrived at work, not only didn’t the pain still subside, it became even more severe. Baekhyun hissed in pain as he took a sip from his americano, partly because it burned his tongue and partly because it seemed to have worsened his pain. Proceeding to ignore the pain and letting it subside on its own, he took off his jacket, hung it on his swivel chair and slumped down on his seat.

“You’re early today,” his nosy cubicle neighbour — Jongdae was his name or something like that — stated as he peeked over to Baekhyun.

Not in the mood for a conversation, he merely just shrugged. “Yeah, couldn’t sleep.”

“Had a rough night?” this Jongdae guy had the audacity to ask as he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively and Baekhyun threw a pen at him who only laughed at his reaction, before he turned away, opted to ignore his annoying neighbour and continue to write his analysis on a report.

Baekhyun barely made it to lunch time because he seemed to have difficulties with breathing as well as the stomach ache from the morning. Filling up a glass of water, he fished some emergency pills he’d always take with him, because he’d always been rather prone to catch illnesses ever since he was a kid, out of his bag and swallowed them, hoping the pain would finally lessen.

Upon realising that the pain still hadn’t disappeared, even after finishing his lunch, Baekhyun went to the bathroom to check on his belly. Maybe he had bumped into something without noticing it and the pain wasn’t internal. Making sure he was alone in the restroom, the male carefully lifted up his dress shirt. The last thing he expected to see, was his soul mark disappearing from his skin. Baekhyun couldn’t believe his eyes. What was happening? Taking a closer look, he realised, it looked incomplete and almost half of the mark was already missing.

Why would his soul mark disappear from his skin?

It was something unusual and from what he knew, it could only mean one thing.

Stepping into the hospital in ragged breaths, Baekhyun ran towards the information desk to demand the room number his soulmate was in. The nurse seemed to be startled by his demeanour and refused to give out any information to anyone who wasn’t _family_.

“Listen, I need to see him right now! It’s very important. Please.” Baekhyun begged.

“If you’re not part of his family, then I’m sorry to inform you that I can’t help you, sir. The patient is under surveillance due to his critical health condition. Therefore it’s classified information that we cannot hand out to anyone apart from his close relatives.”

Baekhyun was on the verge of getting a panic attack right at that moment, so without thinking he blurted out, “But I’m his soulmate, h-his boyfriend!” His voice betrayed him at the last part as he let out a sob.

“Sir, please calm down. That doesn’t change anything. Please—”

The male only stared pleadingly at the nurse who apologised for being unable to help him. _This is bullshit_, he thought as he fisted his hair in frustration and paced back and forth, gradually starting to catch other people’s attention. He didn’t know what changed the nurse’s mind but eventually she gave in, probably not wanting him to cause a scene, and told him the room number. Baekhyun thanked her with tear-brimmed eyes before dashing towards the elevators.

Everything was fruitless. The fortress he had built around his heart to protect it crumbled down into nothing the moment his gaze fell on the sleeping figure, lying on the hospital bed, chest rising and falling in a steady rhythm along with the heart monitor.

His heart palpitated more, the closer he got; until he stood right in front of him. His high cheek bones stood out, indicating he had lost a lot of weight. Baekhyun brushed a fringe out of the patient’s face and tucked it behind his ear, unable to look away from his soulmate. His face was pale, his lips chapped and he had dark circles under his eyes. However, even in a condition like this, he seemed like the most beautiful human to Baekhyun. _I’m so sorry_, he whispered as he took Chanyeol’s cold hand into his own, shocked by his low body temperature, causing him to flinch.

Gone was the constant pain around his abdomen, instead replaced by a warm and fuzzy feeling that he had almost forgotten. Though, it didn’t last long.

“Chanyeollie…” Baekhyun sat down next to the patient and guided his soulmate’s hand to his face. He leaned into the touch, even if it was cold. “Please don’t leave me… Not like this. We… we haven’t even talked everything out. You promised me that if anyone of us leaves, we’d leave together. Do you remember?” Baekhyun choked on a sob as tears continuously made their way down his cheeks.

He continued to vent about everything until he had no more tears left to shed, his eyes burning from crying. And eventually he drifted off to dreamland, too tired from everything.

Baekhyun woke up from the feeling of something — actually, _someone_ — ruffling his hair and massaging his scalp in a tender manner. The touch felt familiar, yet unsure and cautious as if he was made out of glass. For a short moment, it felt like as if he was back in his and Chanyeol’s shared apartment, lying in bed with his soulmate spooning his smaller frame while playing with his hair because unlike him, Chanyeol was a morning person, always the one to wake up early and serve both of them breakfast after making sure the smaller was awake as well. He didn’t want to move. It all felt so right at that moment.

Suddenly everything was gone and he found himself in between four suffocating white walls — he was in the hospital. Blinking himself out of his stupor, Baekhyun flinched away from the touch, missing the hurt look on Chanyeol’s face, and whipped his head up to see his soulmate already looking at him longingly. He stared at the pair of eyes he once sought comfort in and refused to let out the tears that were threatening to escape his eyes again. His eyes wandered taking in the sight before him; there was barely any colour left on the taller’s face, he looked as if he hadn’t slept and eaten for days.

No, he couldn’t break down, he had to stay strong. For Chanyeol’s sake.

“Baek…hyun” he spoke, almost inaudible, voice hoarse from not having spoken to someone for a long time. “Y-You’re here.” The smaller could see how difficult it was for Chanyeol to say these words out loud because as soon as the words left his soulmate’s lips, he let out a cough and gasped for air as though he was drowning. Baekhyun only shook his head, as though telling him to stop talking.

Chanyeol seized the smaller’s hand, ignoring the other’s silent pleading. “L-Listen Baek,” through his peripheral view, the latter could see the pace of the heart monitor quickening, “I’m sorry for leaving you all those years ago. It was my biggest mistake. W-We could have had more time together if it wasn’t for my stupid pride and insecurities. I’ve wasted so much time being apart from you that I won’t ever be able to make up to you, and I’m really sorry for t-that. I—”

Baekhyun refused to listen. The male only shook his head, not wanting to comprehend the words Chanyeol was saying to him, and attempted to silence him by cutting him off. “Chanyeol, please. Stop talking. It’s straining your strength. I’m going to fetch the doctor to check up on you, okay?” Assuming the taller did as he said, Baekhyun stood up to walk towards the door, forgetting that the patient never let go of his wrist.

“Chanyeol, what are you doing?! I need to—”

His soulmate only stared at him with sad eyes, his grip on his wrist unrelenting, even though Baekhyun if he used enough force he could’ve escaped it; but he didn’t. “Just… s-stay with me, please,” the patient murmured. “D-Don’t leave.

Chanyeol’s breathing became slower, like his heartbeat, and more irregular with every second passing by, and whenever their was a short pause, Baekhyun’s breath would hitch, fearing it had been his lover’s last breath.

“Baek…” he heard Chanyeol call. He looked up with a tear-stained face and let out a sniffle. “Yes, Chanyeol?” Baekhyun tried his best to not let his voice crack mid-sentence because he was busy crying, which Chanyeol, however, couldn’t see since he had closed his eyes — if it wasn’t for the fact that they were in a hospital, to anyone it would have looked like that the taller was in a deep slumber. He looked so peaceful, it could’ve fooled anyone. The only sign indicating that the taller was indeed still alive, was the heart monitor connected to the patient.

“Baekhyun-ah, please don’t be sad. I guess we just weren’t meant to be, even though we’re soulmates. Funny how the universe worked, huh?” What was meant be a chuckle quickly turned into a coughing fit. Before Baekhyun could react, Chanyeol shrugged it off and pretended as if nothing happened. _As if he didn’t just cough out blood._ “Be happy, Baekhyun-ah. I know you already found someone who’s able to put a smile on your face, which I failed to do as your soulmate and lover. I’m terrible, ain’t I?” Baekhyun stared at him with wide eyes. He was about to say something, but his soulmate beat him to it. “Your boyfriend seems like a nice guy, you know, so promise me, you won’t mourn over me when I’m gone and move on with your life, okay?”

Baekhyun let out a strangled sob as he continued to stare at Chanyeol, unable to form a single word. He wanted to scream and shout, let everything he’d been bottling up inside out. Yet all he could do was letting tears escape his eyes as he clung onto Chanyeol’s hand that was originally holding him.

“I love you. I never stopped loving you.” Was all Chanyeol whispered, giving him one last of his million-watt smile, before his eyes fluttered close as his hand slipped out of Baekhyun’s grasp and lifelessly fell to his side. The ICU monitor beeped in a steady tone and the wave was now merely a straight line, with the spikes and dips gone.

_I love you, too, for who you are. I’ve never stopped loving you._

Baekhyun never got the chance to say that to Chanyeol. And he also never managed to move on from his soulmate.

His knees gave in and with a thump he fell to the ground, not feeling any pain besides from his heart that had completely shattered into pieces, and was now beyond repair, he knew that. No one could ever replace Chanyeol.

When Chanyeol left him that day, he took Baekhyun’s heart with him.

_ **Fin.** _


End file.
